


Tell Me When You Hear My Heart Stop

by HashtagThePanda



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Dean/Cas showering, Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Gen, M/M, Stull Cemetery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-20
Updated: 2013-08-20
Packaged: 2017-12-24 03:43:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/934905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HashtagThePanda/pseuds/HashtagThePanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the loss of Sam, Dean begs Castiel to stay with him. Eventually Castiel agrees, and goes to find Chuck (God) to make him human. Fifty-one years into the future, Castiel dies, and Dean has to go on living without him. Chapter 1 takes place during Swan Song.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The final apocalypse was over, and Dean sat back on his haunches, bloody and broken in Stull Cemetery. He lost Sam, Bobby, and Castiel - the three people that kept him sane, grounded, and whole. When Cas came back and healed him and brought Bobby back to life, the lone Winchester brother felt the tiniest bit better.

After Cas and Bobby had left, Dean sat in the Impala, staring at the spot where Sam last stood before going into Lucifer's cage. He swallowed hard, and reached into the backseat of the car where he threw Sam's iPod adapter over a year ago. Pulling it forward, Dean looked at it, and shook his head. "Sammy," he said, running his thumb over the plastic fake cassette tape. Dean leaned over to the glove compartment, where Sam usually kept his iPod, and dug out the device, plugging it all in and cranking up the stereo. This was usually the part where Sam would try to turn the music down, having a little bit of respect for the dead. But he wasn't here now. Sam Winchester sacrificed himself for all of them, the human race. Dean turned on the iPod and flipped through it, to one of Sam's favorite songs. The song in question wasn't Dean's usual taste in music, but he listened to it, over and over again, letting the sobs that he was holding back wrack through him until nightfall.

Dean Winchester left the cemetery, and was just going to drive. Drive until he couldn't anymore, and then do it ten more times. He was somewhere along the outskirts of Omaha, driving up to see Bobby, just to check in on him, see how he was holding up, when a shape appeared. Dean caught it out of the corner of his eye, and turned his head slightly. 

"What are you going to do now?" he asked, continuing the drive, but taking one hand off the wheel and letting his arm rest against the window.

Castiel was quick to reply. "Return to heaven, I suppose." The angel hadn't really thought about it that much, and didn't really know what other answer to give Dean.

A moment passed before Dean raised an eyebrow and looked at Cas for more than just a second, taking his eyes off the road. "Heaven?"

"With Michael in the cage, I'm sure it's total anarchy up there," Castiel said, staring straight at the road, as if Dean was blind and the angel was his eyes.

At that response, Dean pulled over to the side of the road and turned the engine off, letting the cars behind him pass the Impala by so he could get a good look at Castiel. "Cas..." Dean said, as the name trailed off, leaving a heavy silence in the air.

Castiel shifted in the car's passenger seat a little, and finally returned Dean's gaze. "Dean."

"Don't. Just...don't go."

A confused expression overcame the angel's face as he tilted his head. "I have to, Dean. It would be wrong of me not to."

The hunter looked down for a moment, green eyes unlocking from blue ones. "After everything that's happened, you're just willing to throw it away? You're just going to go back to heaven, and forget about me?" Dean asked, looking back up. He knew he was being selfish right now, but he needed someone to be there with him. He needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to continue hunting with, and someone to love. "Damn it, Cas, I can't do it alone. I just lost Sam. I can't-"

Dean's words were cut off when Castiel moved closer, putting an arm around him, holding this mortal man close, giving him some sort of comfort. "I know it hurts." Those words alone were enough for Dean as he practically clung to the angel, taking in everything about him, committing them to memory. The two sat for what seemed like hours in the car, and eventually, Dean fell asleep in Cas' arms.

~*~

The afternoon after the day Sam gave himself up and fell into the pit, Dean woke up to Castiel holding onto him. All of the events of the day before hit him, finally making the hunter realize that what had happened was real and not some nightmare. 

"Cas?” Dean asked, making a feeble attempt to get out of the angel's arms. 

"Yes, Dean?" Castiel replied. 

"You can let go of me now."

Castiel unwrapped his arms from Dean's body, and Dean sat up, but never once took his eyes off of the angel. 

"Are you still going to go back? Be the new sheriff in town?" the hunter questioned.

"I have to Dean. It's my duty to God," Cas answered.

Dean felt his heart drop a little, but nodded as he started up the car, continuing the drive up to Bobby's. "Stay with me until we get to Bobby's? After that, you can go back. It's a few more hours away."

Castiel opened his mouth to speak in protest, to tell Dean that he needed to go now, but shut it, and silently nodded. "I'll stay for you," he agreed.

The next couple of hours went by silently, Castiel staring at the road again and Dean not even in the mood to listen to any songs on the iPod or to surf the radio stations to find any good songs.

The Impala stopped in front of a roadside diner, and Dean got out, followed quickly by Cas. They went inside, and took a table in the far part of the diner, away from the crowd that was trickling in for the dinner rush. A waitress came and handed them menus, telling them the daily specials were a Philly steak sandwich and beef stew, and left them to decide on what to have.

Lunch came and went, both of them having a bacon cheeseburger with the works, and soon they were getting ready to go back out on the road. They drove again, and this time Dean turned on the stereo, knowing that the iPod was still connected, but he didn't care. He needed something – anything – to distract himself. Sam's song came through the speakers, and Castiel listened to it, though he normally tried to drown out the music. 

~*~

Half an hour outside of Sioux Falls, forty-five minutes away from Bobby's, the car stopped again at a small motel and Dean got out, getting a room. He almost requested for one with two beds, but before he could open his mouth to ask for one, the desk clerk informed him that the only room they had left was one with a king bed. Dean turned around and looked at Cas sitting in the Impala, then back to the clerk. "That's fine."

Dean returned to the car and said nothing, pulling it in front of the room that was assigned to him and got out, this time the angel following suit. The hunter pulled out the key to the room and looked at Cas. "We'll go up tomorrow," Dean promised as he faked a yawn, and sat on the bed. Castiel did the same, and the two sat in silence for a few moments before Cas said anything.

"Dean, I can't go back," he started. "I've thought about what you said earlier, about me forgetting about you. I can't forget about you. I need to stay here, with you. You're too important to me. I'd rather give up everything just to be here."

The hunter looked over, a bit startled at what was just reveled to him. But Dean relaxed, and reached over to take Castiel's hand. "Cas, I..." Dean started as the angel finally turned his head to look at him. Dean never did finish that sentence, because as soon as Castiel faced him, he leaned in close, and pressed his lips against Castiel's.

Castiel was caught off guard and tensed up more than he normally was, but relaxed as Dean’s tongue snaked out and flicked against his lips. Cas let his instincts take over as he allowed Dean entrance, deepening the kiss as his own tongue seeked out Dean's mouth, and soon put his arms around Dean, one hand running through his hair and over his back, his fingertips gently playing with the hair on his neck. Dean moaned into Cas' mouth, and did the same that the angel did to him, finally wrapping his arms around Castiel, Cas rewarding him with an identical moan. Dean could feel his dick growing in his pants. He wanted – no, needed – Cas. Needed to taste him, be with him, love him. Dean pulled away for a moment, rather abruptly after five minutes them playing tonsil hockey, and Castiel let go of Dean.

Dean looked at Cas, his face an inch away from the angel's, their eyes locking, neither one blinking or looking away, almost as if they were looking into one another's soul. "I need you," Dean said in a low voice, almost as a growl. "Now." With those words, Dean practically tore the trench coat off of Cas, and pushed him further onto the bed to straddle his hips. Dean removed Cas' tie, followed by the ripping off of the shirt and undoing the belt, sliding the khakis down the angel's body. The hunter removed his own shirt, and went to undo his jeans, watching as Castiel's chest moved up and down slowly before laying eyes on the enlarged cock that Cas possessed, making his own ache in anticipation. 

Their lips smashed together again, this time Castiel allowing Dean's tongue access to his mouth before Dean even had the chance to flick his tongue against those lips. Tongues danced among the other's mouth, and Dean pulled Cas' legs apart, hoisting them up on his shoulders. He lined himself up with the hole between the two globes of flesh, and pushed in gently with Cas moaning in Dean's mouth.

"God, you're so tight," Dean commented in a low growl. The angel nodded a little, as Dean continued to push into Cas' hole until he reached the hilt. Dean knew that he wasn't going to be able to last long, not with how tight Castiel's ass was. Dean broke their kiss again, leaving a trail of kisses along the angel's neck and chest, licking, sucking, and biting at each nipple, then returning to the feverishly passionate kissing. Dean took Castiel's pulsating cock into his hand, and began moving his fist up and down it, going at the same rhythm that his dick was in Cas' ass. 

Ten minutes later, Dean started going harder, faster than he ever did in his life, keeping the same pace as his hand job that he was giving to his guardian angel. His face was flushed pink, and the tiniest glimmer of sweat started forming at his brow. Cas' breathing was short and heavy, and wasn't going to be able to last much longer. Both of them could feel their orgasms building and after a few more minutes, Dean lost all of his control. "Fuck, Cas. I'm going to come!"

Castiel moaned Dean's name over and over again loudly, letting his own orgasm sweep over him, the angel's come hitting both of them on the chest. That was more than enough for Dean, and soon was burying his dick into Cas' ass, emptying himself.

~*~

The hunter and his angel showered together, each taking turns washing and drying the other off. Dean paid Castiel's ass a bit of extra special attention, making sure to get all the come out. He ran a hand through Cas' wet hair, letting one arm snake around the angel's waist before placing a small kiss on his lips.

"I better get some sleep," Dean commented. "We still have a bit of a drive ahead of us to get to Bobby."

Castiel nodded, and the two soon climbed into bed, each of them holding each other close. Cas didn't know what tomorrow held in store for Dean, but would find God, and ask him one of the most important questions that was burning in his mind - if he could become human.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Dean woke up to Castiel sitting at the foot of the bed, fully dressed in his traditional clothes with the exception of the trench coat. "Good morning, Dean," Cas said as he leaned forward, his hands clasped and head lowered, as if he were saying a silent prayer.

"Are you praying that what happened last night would happen again?" Dean asked, a smirk appearing on his face as he tossed the covers off of him to get dressed. He pulled out a fresh pair of jeans and a t-shirt from his duffel bag, and pulled on the jeans first, his eyes fixated on Castiel. 

Castiel raised his head and looked behind him, just before Dean had put on the shirt, his blue eyes piercing green ones before breaking the gaze and letting his eyes roam down Dean's chest and towards where the most incredible dick that ever fucked him was hidden behind the thick denim, thinking about the previous night’s events before meeting the hunter’s eyes again. "Perhaps," Cas replied, going back to his silent prayer. What they had done the night before was so wrong and went against everything Castiel knew, but yet, oh so right. What the angel was praying for though, was that he would be able to locate God without going on an almost two year search for him.

While Cas' eyes were on him, Dean's were on the angel. More importantly, they were staring at that sinful ass covered in the beige material that was too good to belong to an angel before moving to stare at the slight bulge in his pants. Dean snapped back when he felt Cas' eyes move to meet his own again. "Perhaps?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Perhaps," Castiel answered.

Whatever 'perhaps' meant, Dean didn't take it as a yes or no. He shrugged his shoulders a little bit and finished getting dressed, and before long, the pair was in the Impala and out on the road again, finishing the drive up to Bobby's. It was raining, almost like all of heaven was weeping the loss of Sam. But that wasn't the case – they were mourning the loss of their fallen brother, trapped in the cage with Sam – or Lucifer – for all of eternity. The ride was silent, save for the music that came out of the car's speakers on a low volume that felt weird to Dean, but he knew Cas' intolerance to loud music. There was so much that both of them wanted to say. Where did they stand? What was going to happen now? Those questions, and so many others, swam around in Dean's mind. He opened his mouth a few times to ask Cas, but shut it. Cas was going back to heaven to stop the anarchy that was happening, to restore peace to their home.

~*~

Dean pulled the car into Bobby's driveway and gave the horn a honk, singling his arrival. The Impala’s tires crunched around the rocks as it drove up, and soon approached Bobby's home where Dean parked it. "I guess this is goodbye," he said, looking over at Castiel. "With you going back to heaven and all."

Castiel looked at Dean with sad, almost puppy-like eyes. "As much as I want to stay here with you, I was also thinking a lot about that during the night while you slept. I do have to go back, Dean. They need me." With that statement, the angel leaned over the middle console and placed a gentle kiss on Dean's mouth. "I will never forget you, Dean Winchester." Then he vanished with the faint sound of wing beats in the air.

Dean got out of the car, and headed to the front door, kicking a rock in the process. He rang the doorbell, and waited for Bobby to answer. Turning his back and looking up to the sky, he cursed loudly. "Damn it, Cas! I needed you! I thought you weren’t going back? What happened to that, huh?! I lo-"

His rant and confession was cut off as the door swung open, and Bobby stood across the threshold. "Dean," he said gently to the other hunter's backside. Dean turned around, and looked at his surrogate father. "Bobby."

"Come on inside," Bobby said. "Where's Castiel at?" he asked, looking for the angel who had kindly gave him his life back.

"He left, Bobby. Left to go back to heaven and take care of business up there," Dean replied, walking inside the home.

Bobby shut the door behind Dean after giving the yard a once over and turned to face Dean. "Looks like it's just you and me then, kid."

"Yeah, it's just you and me, Bobby, the last of our hunter family that we’ve built. Ellen, Jo, Sam, Cas...they're all gone, and not coming back."

~*~

Castiel never did return to heaven. Instead, he found God in the form of Chuck at his home. The wing beats where practically deafening to Chuck's human ears, but to God, they were nothing more than sounds of a son or daughter’s arrival or departure.

"Father," Cas started, genuflecting and lowering his head before God who was sitting in front of a computer with a pair of glasses perched on his nose. "I have something that I deeply need to ask of you."

An eyebrow rose on God’s forehead in surprise as the gold studded brown leather chair swiveled around, now facing the kneeling angel. "Castiel," God said. "What can I do for you, son?" he asked, looking down upon his son’s bed head mess of hair. 

Castiel raised his head and stood. It was now or never to ask as the angel cleared his throat. "Father, you’ve given me so much, but I cannot return to heaven with you. I have found love here on Earth, and would like to become human."

God contemplated Castiel’s request for a few moments, taking a sip of his scotch as he did so. "So you fell in love with Dean Winchester," he said, the statement coming out more or less than a question than anything. 

The angel nodded slowly. "I did, Father. I'm...I'm not sure how he feels about me, but I love him with every fiber of my being. He's too important to me. I'd rather give up everything and live here on earth, than to have to go back home and never let him know how I feel."

"I see," the creator said. "Castiel, you do realize that if I do grant this request of you, you won't be able to ever return to heaven if it doesn't work out between the two of you."

Cas nodded again. "I do understand."

God stretched out an arm, as if beckoning Castiel to him. The angel stepped closer to his father, and kneeled in front of him, lowering his head again. Placing a hand on top of Castiel’s head, God spoke in perfect Latin, "Hic angelus nom jam est ad me astrictum." The glow of Castiel's grace appeared in the creator's hand, and the angel hung his head lower, blue eyes shut tight. "You may rise, Castiel."

The now-former angel rose to his feet again, and looked upon the face of God. "Thank you, Father," he said as he turned his back and started walking towards the front door. 

"Castiel," God said. "There is something else I can do for you."

Cas turned around and faced his father again, his head tilted in slight confusion. "You already gave me what I asked for. There isn't anything else I could ask for."

God let out a chuckle and shook his head slightly. "Castiel, I can send you to Dean. He's at Bobby's, yes? Just know that this will be the last time you'll see me, or any of your brothers or sisters."

Blue eyes blinked, and his head gave a nod as Castiel walked back towards God. "I know." With that, God pressed two fingers against Cas' forehead, sending him to Bobby's home.

~*~

Inside the house, Dean and Bobby sat, each with a beer, and talked about what happened after Lucifer killed Bobby. "I'm telling you, Bobby. Sam had this weird look on his face right before he took control of Lucifer. It was like he was having an internal struggle with himself," Dean said before taking a pull off his bottle. It still wasn't easy for the older brother to talk about what happened. He lost his younger brother, the one he was supposed to look after and protect.

Bobby opened his mouth to speak when the doorbell rang. Dean's eyes widened a little at the hope that it would be Castiel deciding that he needed to stay, or Sammy, though the latter was damn near impossible. The elder of the two got up from his chair and made his way to the front of the house. When he opened the door, Bobby’s eyes grew wide.

"Castiel?" he asked in surprise. "Dean said..."

"Dean was wrong. I didn't return to heaven. I went to see God," Castiel stated as he walked into the house. Bobby shut the door, and was close behind him. "I'm not an angel, or a demon, Bobby. I’m human."

Dean heard voices in the living room, and went to investigate what was going on. His eyes grew wide and his jaw slacked a little at the sight in front of him. "Cas?" he questioned. "I thought you had to go back to heaven?"

Cas walked towards Dean. "I didn't go. I promised you that I wouldn't. I would have broken that promise if I did. I seeked out God and found him. I'm not an angel, or a demon. I'm not a shape-shifter, an apparition, or an unhappy spirit. I'm human, Dean. I gave up all my powers, all of my grace, for you."

Dean was flabbergasted. "You gave up your idea of paradise for me?"

A nod came from the former angel. "Dean Winchester, I love you. Have for a very long time, ever since I dragged you out of hell."

Dean stared at Cas, unblinking. They locked eyes again as Dean took a step to close the gap between them, and said, "I love you too, Cas. I think last night proved that." With those words, Dean leaned closer to his partner's face, placing a kiss on Castiel's lips, so full of passion, love and happiness, although he was still grieving over Sam's death on the inside.

The sound of someone clearing their throat was what snapped both of them back, realizing that they were in Bobby's living room, making out. Both faces flushed with a light pink blush in their cheeks, and Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist, turning to look at Bobby.

"I guess it's not just you and me anymore, Dean," Bobby mentioned, a rare smile on his face.

"Nope, it's not," Dean replied, a similar smile appearing as he looked at Cas and placed a small kiss on his lover's lips.

~*~

One year later to the day that they were reunited at Bobby's, Dean and Castiel were married at a chapel in Vegas, as much as Dean protested to it. He would have rather just had a simple ceremony in front of a local justice of the peace, but when Cas looked at him with those big blue puppy eyes, Dean couldn't argue. Bobby paid for their honeymoon, a trip to Disneyland, saying something about how Dean needed to relax and told Cas to make sure that he took Dean on It's a Small World to get the song stuck in his head. 

The couple had bought a house not far from Bobby's, but still far enough to have some privacy of their own. They slowly grew adjusted to living a normal life and stopped hunting. Castiel got a job as a tax accountant, and Dean went to work as a mechanic, freelancing when there wasn't steady employment. Ten years after, in early August, the Hell Hounds came for Bobby because of the deal that he and Crowley made. By the time Dean and Castiel got there, it was too late - Bobby's body had been torn to shreds. It was up to them to salt and burn their friend's corpse. Dean and Castiel sold the home that they were living in, and moved into Bobby's, knowing that he would have wanted them to have it.

Forty years afterward on one crisp fall evening in October, when they were both old and graying, Dean and Castiel laid in bed, holding onto one another, much like they did on the very first time after they had sex. Sam's song came on Cas' iPod that was plugged into a bedside dock, and Castiel looked at Dean. "Tell me when you hear my heart stop." With those last words, Cas closed his eyes, and died in his lover's arms.

"Cas? Cas, wake up. Wake up, come on. You can't leave me, you can't," Dean begged as tears started streaming down his face in sobs. "You can't do this to me."

But Castiel never did wake up. Dean took a pillow and blanket from the room, and went downstairs in the old house, sitting on the couch and wrapping the blanket around him, the sobs taking over him. Dean was alone, and was destined to live that way until he died. 

The day after Castiel, the angel-turned-human, died, Dean carried his body down the stairs and outside to the grave that he dug during the night. He placed his lover's corpse down into a pine box, and lowered the box into the earth. "I love you, Cas. And I'll see you soon."

**Author's Note:**

> I had originally posted this on LiveJournal under ~justanerdyangel a long time ago, but I no longer check that site due to reasons. Hopefully you all enjoyed reading this!


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